Coop Scoop Blog

By Ann Lapinski

When I hear the word resilience, I think of bouncing back from a difficult circumstance. Resilience is our ability to adapt well when faced with significant stressors or difficult life events like health challenges for ourselves or our loved ones, the death of someone close to you, relationship problems, issues in our workplace and more. We all need resilience to survive though some of us seem better at it than others. Think about the lockdown period during Covid. Some people seemed to recover from the difficulties pretty easily while others suffered from loneliness and depression that lasted a long time. 

Every one of us is presented with the need for resilience in our northeast winters. Days are dark and cold, holiday celebrations are behind us and we miss seeing leaves on trees and budding flowers. How is it then that we nurture resilience in these dark times? We first need to accept and acknowledge the difficulty. The challenge can be simple—like the fact that you don’t like winter because it’s cold. Or complex—like you are wondering if you relationship with your partner is going to last, and you are feeling that difficulty more deeply at this dark season when we tend to spend more time indoors.  Regardless of the circumstance, we need to recognize what is going on with us. Have we paid attention to what the cold does to our emotional self? Have we acknowledged what aspects of the relationship are making it seem precarious, especially in winter?

Next, we need to explore the source of the issue.  Maybe it’s not really the cold that troubles us, but the fact that we keep ourselves inside and don’t benefit from being outdoors. Maybe we are feeling ignored by our partner, and that feels more noticeable when spending more time inside together. Once we recognize what is going on, we can take steps to improve things. Can we buy some of those amazing socks, hats, scarves and mittens from the coop to keep us warmer? Can we figure out how to talk to our partner with the warmth of cozy cups of tea?

The research shows us that people who look upon challenges in a positive manner do better being resilient and that these people are happier and may even live longer. If we can look at the difficulty as a way to grow, learn and become more compassionate to ourselves and others, we are much better at being resilient. We can actually thrive because we survived a challenge. The good news is that we can nurture that positive spirit in ourselves to help us do better the next time life becomes difficult.

How do we do better at all of these steps? One way is the daily practice of meditation. Mindfulness and meditation go hand-in-hand. The practice of meditation makes us more mindful. Being mindful means we are paying attention to what is going on in our lives. That makes it easier to identify life’s challenges and accept them as part of who we are.  

We can also use meditation to identify the source of the problem we are experiencing. A RAIN meditation, developed by meditation teacher Tara Brach, is designed just for that purpose. The acronym RAIN stands for the words Recognize, Allow, Investigate and Nurture. 

We start by paying attention to 1) Recognizing what is happening in ourselves, 2) Allowing that to be - no pushing away or judging, 3) Investigating with a kind and curious attention - not by cognitive analysis, but by feeling what is going on in our bodies, and 4) Nurturing ourselves with the compassion within us or the compassion offered to us by those we love and honor. 

I have found this practice particularly useful when something is gnawing at me but I am not sure what it is. For example, I have been able to identify that the tough part of winter for me is the darkness. It feels limiting. I was able to accept this challenge  as real and able to find that dark feeling in my body. Finally, I could offer myself kindness and compassion for feeling this way. In the end, I know that getting outside during the day is essential for me, even on freezing cold days. Good clothing really helps!

Meditation practice can also be easier to start, restart, or maintain in the companionship of a group. You can connect with others interested in meditation through programs offered at Honest Weight. 

Take the opportunity to find your own resilience. It’s there in every one of us. Make winter your friend.